Monday Couch session: Driving crazy, new love, and old love    [Back to top]

Well, E-mail has been slow, so I am spacing the colums out until more stuff come in. I dont know where we are at to the 250th letter, but I think we are over half way. Let you know later in the week.

Until then, I am starved for material, so write away guys. Lets get to it!


Q: Cheesy, I'm in love. No other way to say it. She's all that and a bag of skittles. In adding her to my life, my friends are making a few jokes at my expense, so much so that I have to delete threads on the internet just to keep it appropriate. Should I be this paranoid or are my friends just being jerks? -Counting Radiation

A: Naw, you are just suffering what every guy has to go through when a new centerfold comes along, and steals a wolf from the pack. There is a really fine line to draw when your buddies get tired of watching you get your groove on everywhere they go, but hey...thats life. In the end, just remember that your friends will be the one you run too when you come home and she is riding the cashier from Fareway....so keep that bridge intact.

Still confused? OK. Make a video of her in the shower, and mail it to your friends.....every day for a month. Include a note thats says "OH YEAH....I'M HITTIN DAT!! Cause as I say.....when there is smoke, there is a fire waiting to get bigger!!


Q: I just got dumped....Now what? - Jessica Simpson

A: Hey, It's not the end of the world. This is where you get mixed up in your work and try to move on. Maybe head out with some friends and do some karaoke. Or what the hell, head to Hollywood and try to get into reality TV! Not that ambitious? Head to the gym, and try to drop a few pounds for self esteem. Getting dumped is always a great chance to polish up your life!

Oh wait. I just saw who wrote the letter. Kill yourself and get it over with.


Q: I don't know if Cheesey has been following the happenings in Vikingland (no not those happenings), but apparently not telling college graduate football players that donning 15 pounds of professional grade shoulder pads and helmets in 100 degree heat requires extra caution in the area of personal hydration is a suable offence. With this in mind, do you have any suggestions for frivolous lawsuits I can file to line my unemployed pockets? - Money Grubbing U.S. American

A: Boy, does THAT letter sound British. For those out of the know, this is referencing the Korey Stringer family still looking to sue like...a decade after the poor guy died.

Frivilous lawsuits? Well, I know of the old lady who slipped on a grape and sued the grocery store for millions. We ALL heard about the scalding coffee and McD's. I like an old idea I have about buying a beater vehicle, and ramming every piece of crap that pulls out in front of me. Cut me off on the interstate? Into the ditch you go. Gonna run that red light? That will cost you the back half of your car.

You only get TEN shots a day at this. Just bump into the car, and run out screaming that you cant feel your hands anymore. Piece of cake.

I will have to opine on that question, and maybe throw more out later. Until then....